The holidays are upon us. Beautiful, right? Twinkling lights, cozy sweaters, family gatherings...and also sometimes: intrusive questions, exhausting expectations, and people who mean well but say the wrong thing.
If you're battling cancer or still recovering, the holidays can feel like a lot. Between managing treatment side effects, navigating well-meaning but clueless relatives, and trying to actually enjoy the season, it can be easy to feel like you're just surviving instead of thriving.
Here's the truth: you don't have to be the perfect hostess, the cheerful entertainer, or the person who makes everyone else comfortable. This holiday season? It's about you feeling fab, setting boundaries, and showing up for yourself first.
So, let's talk about how to keep "Fighting Pretty" through the holidays while keeping your sanity, your sparkle, and your sense of self intact.
1. Set Boundaries Before You Walk in the Door
Family gatherings can be wonderful, but they can also be exhausting—especially when everyone has opinions about your treatment, your appearance, or your life choices.
Holiday Hack: Decide ahead of time what you're willing to talk about (and what's off-limits). Practice phrases like:
- "I appreciate your concern, but I'm not really talking about treatment right now."
- "I'd love to catch up about other things—how's your job going?"
- "My doctors and I have it handled, but thanks for asking!"
You're allowed to redirect the conversation. You're allowed to say "no" to topics that drain you. You're allowed to protect your peace.
2. Give Yourself Permission to Skip Things
If you're not feeling up for the 12-hour family marathon, don't go. Or go for an hour. Or Zoom in. Or send a card and call it a day.
Holiday Hack: Release the guilt. This is your season to be selfish. If your body needs rest, rest. If your mental health needs a break from Aunt Karen's comments, take the break. The people who love you will understand—and the ones who don't? That's their problem, not yours.
3. Dress the Part (Even If It's Just for You)
One of the most challenging parts of cancer is feeling like it's stolen pieces of who you are. Maybe your body looks different. Maybe you're wearing a wig, or you've decided to rock a bald head. Maybe you're bloated from meds or too tired to put on makeup.
Everyday Hack: Wear something that makes you feel good—whether that's a bold lipstick, a cozy cashmere sweater, sparkly earrings, or bringing your favorite pair of boxing gloves (yes, we mean it 🥊). Getting dressed isn't about impressing anyone else. It's about reminding yourself: "I'm still me. I'm still fab." And if you need a little help in the confidence department, we have Pretty Packages designed to remind you that you can be both a fighter and feel feminine. You don't have to choose.
4. Prepare Your Responses to Those Questions
You know the ones:
- "How are you feeling?" (asked with the look)
- "Have you tried [insert unsolicited medical advice here]?"
- "You look tired."
Response Hack: Have a few go-to responses ready so you're not caught off guard:
- "I'm doing my best, and that's enough."
- "I'm in good hands with my doctors, but I appreciate you thinking of me."
- "Some days are better than others, but today I'm here and that's what matters."
And if someone crosses the line? You're allowed to excuse yourself. Walk away. Find the dog. Hide in the bathroom. Do whatever you need to do.
5. Find Your Holiday Mantra
The holidays can feel overwhelming, so having a personal mantra can help ground you when things get chaotic. Some of our favorites:
- "I'm f*cking fine" (because some days, that's all you need to say)
- "Choose joy" (even when it's hard)
- "This too shall pass"
- "I get to decide how much energy I give"
- "I'm allowed to take care of me first"
Subscribe to our Cancer Hacks email or join our Facebook group - Fighting Pretty through Cancer to download these backgrounds!
6. Create Your Own Traditions
If the old traditions feel too overwhelming, create new ones. Maybe this year, you:
- Order takeout instead of cooking
- Watch cheesy holiday movies in your pajamas
- Do a quiet dinner with just your partner or best friend
- Skip the big party and have a cozy night in
- Celebrate on a different day when you have more energy
There's no rule that says you have to do things the way you've always done them. This is your season. Make it yours.
7. Lean on Your People (And Let Them Help)
If someone offers to bring food, say yes. If someone wants to help with decorations, let them. If you need someone to run interference with nosy relatives, recruit them.
Friend Hack: Let your inner circle know what you need. Whether that's a wingperson at family gatherings, someone to deflect questions, or just a friend on standby for an emergency phone call if you need an "out." Your people want to help. Let them.
8. Remember: You Don't Owe Anyone Anything
Not your time. Not your energy. Not an explanation.
If you need to leave early, leave early. If you need to say no, say no. If you need to prioritize your own comfort over someone else's expectations, do it.
You're battling enough. You don't need to battle the holidays too.
The holidays don't have to be perfect. They just have to be yours.
So wear the sparkly earrings. Set the boundaries. Skip the events that drain you. Eat the cookies or latkes or whatever brings you joy. And remember: you are strong, you are beautiful, you are fierce, and you are absolutely allowed to protect your peace this season.
At Fighting Pretty, we're here to remind you that you can show up exactly as you are—and that's more than enough.
And as always, if you need extra support or want to connect with other women navigating this season, join our Fighting Pretty Through Cancer Facebook Group.
We're all in this together. 💗🥊